6/11/11 is “D” Day

It takes 21 days to make a habit and 21 days to break a habit! That’s what my friend Charlotte says and I believe her.

OK, let me start from the beginning….

For a little over a year my life has been a roller-coaster ride in the area of relationships. One minute I feel loved and understood the next I feel lost and alone. It’s a hard situation to be in. On one hand you have all of these blessing in your life and in all sincerity you are truly thankful, but on the other hand you find yourself feeling like something is wrong with you that there is no one out there who feels you are worthy enough of their time. When one area of your life starts to bring you down, you start to doubt yourself in others. So for the past few months I have been doing a lot of “soul searching”. AND I have to say it hasn’t been in vain. I have learned a lot about myself.

The significance of 6/11/11….

I have a reoccurring dream that shows something amazing happening to me at night, but under bright lights. The dream always makes me feel a sense of serenity and in my dream the date is always 6/11/11. The cynical side of me told myself that it meant nothing, but there was always that little bit of hope that kind of wished it did mean something.

When Ms. Charlotte said what she did about habits, she was referring to the fact that we as women need to evaluate ourselves to become the people that use our strengths toward God’s benefit. I responded to her by saying that when I evaluate myself it is very critical and harsh. She told me that I should not be so negative toward myself and I told her that some habits are hard to break… now you know the rest of that story. Charlotte challenged me to say out loud everyday for 21 days positive things describing who I really am. So of course I accepted the challenge.

My Mantra….

It wasn’t easy, but after much thought I came up with the following:

I am smart. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am worthy of being loved and respected. And I am worthy of someone’s time.

I have it memorized now- it’s day 3 and I am going to win this challenge!

Shellee’s call….

Yesterday was a little rough for me. Don’t really care to discuss why, but it did have its bright spots. My friend Shellee called me! I love Shellee, we have been friends for years and I have always considered her my “voice of reason”. She knows just how to talk to me with out making me feel silly or stupid. We talked for a while and the conversation led to my challenge from Ms. Charlotte. Seeing a need for change in my life (and knowing how hard it was for me to turn down a challenge) she gave me another one. Now as hard as Ms. Charlotte’s challenge was, Shellee’s is 100 times harder, but of course I accepted it! The 21 days for Shellee’s challenge ends on you guessed it, 6/11/11!

I knew that God had some positive changes planned for me, but I wasn’t aware of what they were. Now I have a better idea. Once my challenges are up and my habits have been changed (hopefully) I will have a huge decision to make. Maybe I will know what I am going to do before 6/11/11, who knows. What ever the case, I know that it is God working on me!

I can’t lie. I am still very sad. Sometimes life does not seem fair. One very hard lesson I have learned already is that you can only truly trust someone when you are sure of their love for you. It’s human nature. If they don’t show you consistent love, real trust will never develop. I am not saying that people don’t make mistakes nor am I saying that one mistake makes you untrustworthy. What I am saying is love has to be consistent and obvious. When it’s not doubt grows.

In the end…

I am not sure how things will turn out, and that’s ok. I have figured out what 3 things are most important to me from others, love, respect, and time. I have also figured out what things are important to me as far as how I want to view myself. I am smart (I am not as naive as some people think.) I am beautiful- on the outside.. ok I will go with that, but on the inside is what I am most proud of. I am strong! God is on my side, so there is nothing on this Earth that can break me!

6/11/11 is Decision Day for me! One way or another a choice will be made and I am trusting God that it will be the right one according to his plan!

Live today 5/20/2011 it’s the only one you will ever get!